In a news conference last week, George Bush stated that he won’t “start commenting about the [GOP] primaries.” Small wonder. None of the GOP presidential candidates will comment about George Bush, either, and it doesn’t take a political genius to figure out why none of the candidates will invoke the name of the least popular president in U.S. history. The guy is simply radioactive to any serious candidate who wants the Republican nomination.

So, ok. Bush won’t publicly name his own favorite. Fair enough. By process of elimination, we can winnow down the field of candidates who Bush wouldn’t support (and why), and in doing that, arrive at a conclusion as to who he does favor.

Mitt Romney: Mormon. Bush has stylized himself as an evangelical Christian. As I’ve previously noted, evangelicals view the Mormon religion as a cult. George Bush would not support Mitt, even though Mitt hearts Gitmo and most of Bush’s war policies.

Ron Paul: Wants to get out of Iraq immediately. Likes the Constitution. Is against globalization. It doesn’t matter that his anti-tax, pro-family, anti-abortion rhetoric would play well with Bush’s base, because the first three attributes listed above are immediate deal-breakers.

John McCain: Bush has had a love-hate relationship with St. McCain since, well, forever. The “hate” part of the relationship hasn’t stopped McCain from embracing Bush whenever necessary, but I think that we can reasonably assume that even Bush feels McCain is little more than a GOP suck-up. Plus, there’s that Vietnam and torture thing. Bush likes torture porn. McCain has starred in the films. No way that Bush ever goes public in support of John McCain.

Fred Thompson: Bush goes to bed at 9PM, and (most likely) never watched Law and Order. Doubtful that Bush knows much about Thompson, other than “he’s that guy on TV”. It’s hard to imagine George Bush pulling the lever for Grandpa Fred.

Mike Huckabee: On the surface, Huck would appear to be the candidate who best matches up with Bush’s own sketchy background. However, long-time Bush confidante Peter Wehner came out strongly against Huckabee in a WaPo op-ed. If Wehner is giving Huck the thumbs down, so is Bush.

And that leaves us with…

Rudy Giuliani: If George Bush had to pick a horse in the GOP race, his mount would be named Rudy. Giuliani is nothing but a cardboard cutout of George W. Bush; all hat, no cattle. In fact, it’s starting to look like Rudy doesn’t even have a hat. Financial skullduggery and pecker problems while mayor of NYC? No problemo for AWOL Bush, because Rudy stood on the pile with Bush, and Mr. 24% looked deep into Rudy’s eyes and read his soul - kinda like he did with Vladmir Putin, Nouri al-Maliki, and most members of the House of Saud.

There ya have it. By process of elimination, we’ve determined who George Bush would prefer as the GOP candidate. With Tancredo, Hunter, and Brownback out of the race (I think Brownback was probably Bush’s early favorite), there’s only one candidate who is enough like Bush himself for Bush to support.

And, just another reason why Rudy Giuliani will never, ever become the next President of the United States.