Bush is Out to Save Us From Golfers!
Are we realy secure? Well, there’s that Canadian border that needs watching, eh? Don’t want any of them Canadian Terrorists dressed up as golfers coming down to attack us, eh? So Homeland Security is focusing on a golf course, since everywhere else is now safe.
Now that Tiger Woods isn’t playing the game until next year, Bush has sent in his Homeland Security crew to see about destroying a golf course. Or maybe it’s the golfers he’s after? Here’s the story from the Chicago Tribune:
Shank your shot at this one-of-a-kind golf course and you can find yourself chasing your ball across the U.S.-Canadian border.
It’s a unique — technically, law-breaking — hazard to playing at the Aroostook Valley Country Club, where the parking lot and pro shop are in Maine, and the course and clubhouse sit in New Brunswick, Canada. It’s also a 79-year tradition that could soon change, as U.S. Customs and Border Protection wants to prevent Canadian golfers from entering the United States near here without passing through Immigration. U.S. officials argue that anyone—including terrorists —could gain unfettered access to the United States via the rural road the golfers use.
Such a flap used to be unheard of along the 5,525-mile line commonly called the world’s longest undefended border. Today however, Aroostook Valley stands as just one example of how security concerns are changing the frontier along America’s northern divide. From Washington to Maine, the Border Patrol is signing up recruits, buying more tools, from motion sensors to helicopters, and enforcing new identification requirements like never before. Already, the number of agents on the northern border has increased 341 percent since Sept. 11, 2001.
I’m all for safety, but to focus on a golf course that happens to lie in both the United States and Canada is a bit nuts. The article also notes that Homeland Security, wrapped quite tightly in their black and white world, have aimed their focus on the town of Derby Line, VT, which lies directly on the border of Canada and the US. Hey, maybe they can build a wall through the town, and another wall through the golf course?
Man, I wish I hadn’t just written that. I’m thinking Bush is likely to lead his forces into building just such a wall. Odd, the only thing that comes to mind right now is that conversation in Caddyshack between Sandy, the Head Groundskeeper, and Carl Spackler.
Sandy:I want you to kill every gopher on the course.
Karl Spackler: Correct me if I’m wrong, Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key.
Sandy: Gophers! You great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!
Karl Spackler: We can do that. We don’t even have to have a reason.
I guess the Bushies have a reason. Protect America from those evil terrorist Canadians! Hey, and if they’re golfers, all the more reason we need protection, eh? And remember, they do have gophers in Canada.
