Holy Popsicles! That’s right, HOLY POPSICLES! OK, ONE holy popsicle in Plymouth, IN. Plymouth has never really been known for anything before, besides being the first location ever of a Montgomery Ward store, but thewy’re hitting the spotlight this week with a frozen piece of something or other that looks like the Virgin Mary. She was found in the ice at the base of the hitch of Lionel Gonzalez’ mobile home, and since her discovery Plymouth has become the focus of many a pilgimage. Here’s the words of some of the witnesses, from the South Bend Tribune:

“This is unbelievable,” the 24-year-old Gonzalez says. “This is something you see on the news (happening somewhere else).

“It’s a blessing. It could just be a sign from the Father above.”

There was no argument from the people who have come to view Mary.

Gonzalez said about 50 people came by Wednesday night, and more were coming this morning. Some, he knew. Some, he didn’t.

Candles and flowers have been left by those paying respects. Others have hung rosary beads around Mary. Many gently touched her.

“If you touch snow, your hands get wet,” Gonzalez said this morning. “But if you touch this, it’s like dry ice.”

“I can’t explain it,” one man said after spending several minutes pointing a video camera at the roughly foot-high statue.

Carmen Rosa, who also lives in Northgate, had much to say.

She spoke in Spanish as Gonzalez translated, “This is a message from God, to let us know there’s a chance for us to change our lives. …

“It’s a truly great blessing for it to appear here near us.”

Ah, another day in the paradise that is Plymouth, IN. But, wait! If you are not finished with your pilgrimage news you just might want to read on. George W. Bush has been offered a job, and if he takes it, you could take a pilgrimage to see Dubya and actually shake his hand. Heck, it will be part of his job to shake your hand. How could he screw that up? The firm seeking to hire Mr. Bush is called Elliott’s Hardware, and they are famous for their greeters, evidently, guys who warmly welcome you to the store and can also point you in the right direction if you are in search of that odd lug nut or toilet valve.

I’m thinking this is a great deal for Mr. Bush. It keeps him in the public eye, his fans will know how to reach him when they need to, and Mr. Bush will get a discount on hardware to boot. Elliott’s lists the advantages to the position here in their recruitment letter to Mr. Bush. But I’ll list them for your convenience:

Some of the benefits of the position include:

• A flexible, part-time schedule (we understand you have a weekend place in Crawford)
• An opportunity to keep up on your people skills while getting a chance to visit one-onone
with the citizens of Dallas
• Ample parking for you and your security detail, as well as a coffee and snack bar, and
more than 100,000 hardware items for them to browse during your shifts
• Close to home (the commute’s a mere seven miles. You could even ride your mountain
bike to work)
• A generous employee discount (might come in handy for your “Honey-Do” list,
or for parts and maintenance on the new gate!)
• Friendly, knowledgeable co-workers eager to discuss any projects you may be
tinkering with around the house or the ranch.

We think you’ll find working with us much less stressful than your last job.
(And we’re pretty sure Mrs. Bush wouldn’t mind getting you out of the
house for a few hours, too.)

Please give us a call or stop by the store at your convenience and fill out
an application. We’ll even let you try it out for a day to see how you like it.

There’s no doubt that Elliott’s would probably get the besty end of this deal. I’m betting they aren’t going to pay Mr. Bush much over $8 per hour. But maybe Mr. Bush could negotiate a donation from Elliott’s to the Bush Library or something. That might make this gig worthwhile for him. Hey, and he could also swing something for Alberto Gonzales, who still doesn’t have a job.

Now for a little Ann Coulter, but let’s make it very little. Ann Coulter is on the record today saying single motherhood is more dangerous to society than smoking. I get her point, that single motherhood is far from the ideal, and that society has an interest in babies being raised by couples. As part of a couple who have recently adopted a baby, I am sensitive to this issue. I am also sensitive to the insensitive and insulting Ann Coulter, who thinks nothing of insulting good Americans, be they liberals or single mothers. Ann Coulter writes garbage that doesn’t belong in the public eye, and this column, published at Townhall.com, is especially ugly. (Is Townhall’s extra-large bold print so that their beginning readers have a fighting chance of finishing the article?)