Stay home April 15th so you don’t catch the Republican Whackjob Flu, and also so you don’t get exposed to the thousands of perverted sex acts infected GOPers will be performing in public. GOP marriages will collapse because of this disease, and after Iowa and Vermont, there are few enough GOP marriages intact. Suck it NOMTWEETS!
Commentary By: Steven Reynolds
Republicans are under the weather lately. GOP Governors Palin, Jindal and Sandford couldn’t find a way to screw their own constituents by refusing stimulus money, the stock market is up and offering a glimmer of hope, gay marriage is gaining a foothold in Vermont, Washington, DC and Iowa, change the landscape for that issue, and Barack Obama just got back from a successful trip to Europe which included a side trip to Iraq where US troops mobbed the President. Worse still, there’s a dire outbreaak of whackjobberai Teabaggerhea, that disease that inflicts Republicans from time to time, and this may be the worst outbreak on record. Oh, sure, the mere nomination of Sarah Palin in the Fall, followed by her characterizing Obama as palling with terrorists, represented a dangerous outbreak of the whackjob flu.
The whackjob flu can strike any Republican, but when it does it makes them do some pretty whack job things. I’m thinking Rush Limbaugh has a premanent case of the disease, which leads one to believe that at least one man is right to call him a “Brainwashed Nazi.” Heck, and that was a fan of his show who did that!
CALLER: Thanks Rush. Rush listen, I voted Republican and I really didn’t want to see Obama get in office. But you know Rush, you’re one reason to blame for this election, for the Republicans losing. First of all, you kept harping about voting for Hillary. The second big issue was the torture issue. I’m a veteran. We’re not supposed to be torturing these people. This is not Nazi Germany, Red China, North Korea. There’s other ways of interrogating people, and you just kept harping about, it’s okay, or it’s not really torture. And it was just more than waterboarding. Some of these prisoners will killed under torture.
And it was crazy for you to go on and on like Levin and Hannity and Hewitt. It’s like you’re all brainwashed. And my last comment is, no matter what Obama does, you will still criticize him because I believe you are brainwashed. You’re just – and I hate to say it – but I think you’re a brainwashed Nazi. Anyone who can believe in torture has got to be – there has got to be something wrong with them.
Rush Limbaugh, of course, lashed out and called the caller a RINO, because to Rush has the GOP Whackjob Flu as part of his permanent condition. I’m betting that’s why Limbaugh was addicted to drugs a few years back. Self-medication – that’s the ticket!
Perhaps what took the Republicans over the top, what lessened their immune systems enough so all of them are catching the whackjob flu are indications that liberals are winning the culture wars. Hey, mass murders across the nation have Republicans and their friends the NRA on the run a little bit. Liberals are winning on the issue of gay marriage as well – heck, there’s a phenomenon on Twitter where everyone types “suck it, @NOMTWEETS,” to screw around with the ugly organization National Organization for Marriage. Those folks are taking a huge beating.
Manifestations of the disease? Man, the Republican whackjob flu, Whackjobberai Teabaggerhea is striking everywhere, so be careful. Republicans across the country are going to be performing sex acts with each other on April 15th. Yes, you heard it right. Led by such whackjobs as Glenn Beck and the FoxNews team, Republicans across the country are going to “teabag” with each other at the same time. OK, we might excuse this as a warped little fraternity trick, but it seems they think masses of GOP members licking each other in the privates is going to be an effective protest against taxes, or some such nonsense. The Centers for Disease Control needs to get on this fast, as there is a clear risk of sexually transmitted disease with this sort of behavior, and I don’t think they make condoms for testicles. The rest of you, please stay off the streets on the 15th of April – Republicans Gone Wild has never looked like this.
Of course there’s more evidence of this epidemic. One Republican Congressman, Spencer Bachus of Alabama, is counting the socialists in Congress, and cigar smokers are joining the tea bag brigade to protest health care for children. The Republican tea baggers won’t let RNC Chair Michael Steele speak at an event, even though he dearly wants to join in the fun. (As I understand it, he’s allowed to tea bag, just not allowed to stand on stage and exhort Republicans while they commit the sex acts in public.)
Wow! I don’t think there is a cure for the Whackjob Flu. Yes, if you are a reality-based liberal you have a certain immunity. Still, avoiding FoxNews is a good prophylactic. You can also make sure not to turn on any radio shows that feature fat blowhard Republicans. Other than that, stay indoors if you can, and if you absolutely must go out on April 15th, make sure you have a blindfold for the kids.