Certainly any self-respecting blogger cannot refrain from writing about the biggest story in the news, the demise of the marriage of Jon and Kate, parents of eight cute little darlings. And I’ve got the scoop. Jon had an affair, then they went out with friends Adam and Steve, Kate got the payback thing going and wanted to do some good old fashioned swapping, like in that old movie, and Jon just couldn’t handle it. Divorce ensued, playing havoc with the TV ratings for TLC. First TLC gets MONGO ratings, then the put the Jon and Kate sans Jon show on hiatus. The world has now stopped revolving, and we are yet to hear from the Southern Baptist Convention.

The conventional wisdom is that Jon and Kate Gosselin, the parents of oodles of kids who have kept America in AWWW for years, have seperated because Jon was hanging out in bars and straying with waitresses. Or maybe Kate was doing the nasty with the bodyguard. Whateva! Jon had come upon the middle aged crazy thing early, or the stresses of multiple rugrats was getting to him, or somesuch nonsense. Or maybe Kate just wanted a little extra, if you know what I mean. But I’m here to break the big news, that the whole divorce thing is all because of teh gay. And I’m sure the Southern Baptist Convention could have prevented all this.

There’s the big question. Does the church the Gosselin’s attend, play a role in this? I’m not saying that Glad Tidings Assemby of God Chruch in West Lawn, PA is accepting of gay parisioners, but I’m not seeing that they’ve gone far enough to condemn teh gay in order to save Jon and Kate’s marriage. Oh the Horror! All those kids having to negotiate shared custody the rest of their lives! Glad Tidings Senior Pastor Bryan D. Koch better watch out for his own marriage, though. Just as “Jon” is teh gay spelling of “John,” a fine biblical name, so is “Bryan” a gay bastardization of the name of that important biblical figure “Brian.” There’s some fooling around going on here, and even the spellings of names can lead to teh gay and the end of marriages in divorces.

The Souther Baptist Convention has it right, though. It isn’t enough for a church to refuse to welcome members who are gay, nor is it enough for them to refuse to publish pictures of gay couples for their directory. Heck, refusing to publish pictures of heterosexual couples will get a congregation kicked out of the Souther Baptist Convention. That’s what happened to Broadway Baptist Church in the steamy, gay-ridden hotbed of Fort Worth, TX. The fine upstanding folks at Hepzibah Baptist over in Wendell, NC dropped the dime on Broadway, and they refused to bend over to pick it up, instead insisting that Broadway be kicked out of the SBC! Oh, sure, there is whining out there that this is all about some whiney internet rumor and innuendo, but we all know what the real cause here is, just as we know it in the case of the Gosselin divorce, that teh gay is insidious and will get even a fine church like Broadway Baptist.

I can’t close this little rambling assault on teh gay and marriage and couples who pop them out like a Pez container without mentioning that Monica Yant Kinney is also to blame. In her most recent column Ms. Kinney slyly makes fun of the theory that gay marriage will lead to people marrying their lawn mowers. That kind of attitude is what leads to events like the Gosselin divorce, which likely will be seen soon as a Broadway musical (not affiliated with Browday Baptist Church). And I am still not buying tickets.